office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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