the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
