i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
