maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
FUCK WHALES
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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