i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
