try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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