We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
