She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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