just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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