this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
