Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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