I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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