I'm so fucking centered right now
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
