She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
