Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
