I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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