im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
