Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
