I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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