My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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