weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You have to summon your inner elephant
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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