Tell her she can't have a vagina
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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