Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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