i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
