No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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