he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
