remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
