Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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