The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
