I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
