I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
