call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
