Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
