why im i the only drunk person in the library?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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