and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
