Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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