he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
