I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
