people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
