Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
