You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
