Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
