Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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