Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
