We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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