I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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