dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
