ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
