Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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