ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
