good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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