I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
