So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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