Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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