Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
