i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
