so that wasnt chicken after all
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
